Its always me inside me…

Its always me inside me…

(Short Fiction Story)

I was born in a rajput house where the first teaching I got was winning, fighting, glory , ego and pride. The onus of legacy was always with me as whenever I cried in my childhood my parents always said rajputs never cry. With my teenage these values got stuck inside my heart forever and my shoulders also became stronger to balance the weight of legacy. I was born champion, I always won the game I played or I was amongst defeated with their head high. With the competition coming in studies, sports, general knowledge, debates my name was always recognized with respect. I may not be the winner every time but I was always amongst the best lot in class. As a teenager I also have had many fights with classmates, friends where I was never beaten up. People started looking me as harsh, stone hearted, egoistic chap and I enjoyed this bollywood hero status also for some time I began feeling myself to be one.



As the teenage days passed and hint of young age started approaching our hormones a new era began. This was romance era where my group of guys started approaching girls, looking them, following them, calling them and now cricket football hand wresting where no important. And with the change in era I was not able to adapt so my defeat started the guys who use to follow me every time changed their party and as taught I held my head high getting defeated. Solitude was always with me when the guys were around me or not so I maintained distance with the world. I became a picture with only single emotion to display and hats how the stone hearted now transformed into rebel. The winds were flowing on opposite direction and I was walking on the path facing them.



You can work on yourself but some emotions are meant to be flown so it was the day when I first saw XYZ. That day picture portraying single emotion smiled. It was the day of high hope when locked heart got free and started beating very fast. Confusion, hope, happiness they are so many emotions which surrounded me. As the day progressed she became my very good friend, for me friendship was always love. I always wanted to be with her alone forever with no disturbance even no winds to stay between us. She was the only ambition of my life now. But days are always not the same career came in my way.



As exam approached near I got busy into my studies it was the most important exam of my life as I was champion I tried my fullest to hold my position now it was stone hearted emotion to play its role. I got involved into mechanical life, following time table, rules of managing time. And as got involved in my process there was nothing called love in it. It was feast infront of me and I was hungry enough.



As per my habit in the past fought hard and succeeded. But now when I returned to my normal life it was all changed, the person I loved was long gone. Even I didn’t got chance to express my feelings. It was again solitude, it was again defeat and like every time I held my head high accepting the defeat. I again become the picture of one emotion, heart again got locked into a compact space not allowed to beat it is again brain who became incharge.



I was always strongest with my rules that

1. You are always the champion whom the world will follow.

2. You can cope up with any adverse situation coming in your life.

3. Tears in your eyes are rarest of rare case

4. People can see your smile forever.



But I was always an emotional guy with all my emotions hidden inside core of my heart, I can feel the pain but I can swallow it, I can feel the emotion but I can’t display it, I cry from inside but tears are not allowed to come out of me, inside my code its always a hot lava of emotion but the only thing I can do is to sustain it having a big smile on the face.