Zindagi pyaari Hai

Din pareshaan hai,raat bhari hai

Zindagi hai ke fir b pyaari hai…

Kya tamaasha hai…kabse jaari hai…

Zindagi hai ke fir bhi pyari hai..

Iss kahani ko kaun rokega, umr ye saari kaun sochega,

Saath kaati hai ya guzaari hai, zindagi hai ke fir b pyari hai...

Rango se kahoon, lakeeron se kahoon…

Maili Maili si tasveeron se kahoon…

ya haatho ki khamösh lakeeron se kahoon,

bekaraar si…bekaraari hai… zindagi hai ke…fir b pyaai hai…

din pareshaan hai…raat bhari hai… zindagi hai ke… fir bhi pyaari hai.

Hated Guys

We all come across many guys whom we hate and not only hate, we just want them to die or get extinct from face of the earth. These people are easily found around us, like one watchman who arrogantly ask your intent of going to the place he is guarding, one liftman who dont let you press buttons of lift and guide you to place you need to stand, guy driving besides road on two wheeler who angrily ask you to take care of your clothing as it is flying near tyres. guy who acts busy infront of boss but will always be on phone whole day, the guy who asks your help when he is in need but forgets you when you need them or your boss who never praise you instead of infinite efforts you put in to hear just who word "good job".

I was just giving a thought on why these hated guys behave like this and where do they take this much hate, do they carry these hates with them whole life or how they face mirror when they know whole world hates them.  As I am Bollywood guy, we have a background story for each character to define their behaviors, so every bad guy has a story behind why he became bad. So there must be some story behind these hated guys which the world doesn’t know which makes them so tough that hates do not affect them anymore.

On a contrary I know many guys who always want to be in good books of everybody, they don’t hurt anybody they talk softly so that no one can get hurt, they crack jokes to amuse people, they respect elders and all sorts of good deeds and world respond to them with lots of love. They must be sleeping with a smile on their face as world loves them. Then why to be hated guys when you can be this guy whom world loves.

After putting up lots of thought I think that this world requires these hated guys as much as we need the loved once and why is it so..? Background story for being hated guy is that, these guys realize that world needs their toughness more than their love. For giving example who will be more successful police officer in interrogation tough guy or the soft spoken ? some job demands the hates. As I told you these hated guys are everywhere like arrogant watchman, his duty requires him to be tough is asking questions and report any suspicion, strict liftman who is been hired to control the elevator and maintain standing arrangements in lift so that it can be safely used, the angry co-traveler who wants you not to fall down on a road. If you analyse properly every hated guy is doing his job and they are ferocious in completing their job. They don’t care what world will feel or if they can hurt anybody they finish their jobs and with best efforts.

Now the question is where do they take his hates, actually they absorb it on the excuse of they are doing their job right. They also sleep with smile of their face, they feel proud when they look themselves in mirror because they know there are jobs that a hated man can only do.

So next time you hate somebody just think of the job he is accomplishing. I will never recommend to love these people as it will make them week, they are good being tough and they will be like that rest of their life.

   It was just some thought came in my mind.

Random

Apni kalam se ek arse ke baad milna yuhi lagta hai jaise bichda hua yaar mil gaya ho. Apne yaar se milna utna hi sukhdayi hota hai jitna ji jale hue jakhm par thande pani ka chidkao. Aap yu toh bahot saare logo se guftgoo kar lete hai apni zindagi may par apne yaar se baat karna utna hi saral hai jitna aaine k samne baith apne aap se baat karna. Acha mitra aapki parchai ki tarah hota hai jo aapne har lafz ka arth wahi samajhta hai jo aap samjhana chahte hai warna lafzo ka apna hi ek khel hai. Kuch log sirf apne lafzo ke liye jaane jaate hai aur kuch gumnami may kho jaate hai kyuki unke lafz chikh na sake. Humare mitra kabhi kabhi sannate may bhi lafzo ko dhundke uska matlab pehchan lete hai aur kuch sannate yuhi be matlab ke matlab talashne may guzar jaate hai.

Toh mein itne din baad kuch likh raha hu aur pehli baa rho raha hai ki mujhe sochna pad raha hai ki mein likhna kya chahta tha. Shayad kalam bhi mujhse khafa hogayi hai. Zindagi may mujhse khafa logo ki tadad ab itni hai ki mujhse khush hone walo ko dhundne chirag le nikalna hoga. Log khafa hai mere shaksiyat se, log khafa may meri harkato se log khafa meri na harkato se aur log khafa hai meri khamoshi se. Ab khamoshi ka mayna bhi utna hi taklif deh hai samajhna jitna samundar se mot nikal pana. Khair har khamoshi ka koi mayna ho ye hi jaruri nahi aur har baat ka mayna ho ye bhi jaruri nahi, kabhi khamoshi kuch kehti hai aur kabi alfaaz.

The Hobson's Choice

I was awakened by the loud noise which startled me in the mid of my sleep. My house had no one in it except me and my sister Aashi. My parents had gone to a relatives wedding leaving the huge responsibility of my little sister on my shoulders. I jumped out of my bed and saw Aashi sleeping safe and sound in her bed and heaved a sigh of relief. I stepped towards living room and started searching for electricity button as the noise indicated something fishy but out of nowhere someone choked my mouth and held me at gun point. I was shocked with this sudden attack and felt extreme pain as the man with the gun hit gun base on my head. Two more men rushed into my home and cornered me. Till I could gather my senses I heard machine gun spitting bullets which battered everything around. Like the crackers of diwali the firing continued without a break and bullets pierced every wall and even my TV. I was sure by now that the nightmare of every kashmiri commoner which are unknowingly pushed into the dark corners of our heart had dawned into reality.

                I started shivering and my heart pumped like a mad engine. No matter how habitual you are to watch the bullets passing by whiskers length from a hero in bollywood this situation in real brings your guts to your mouth. I too could see the path of my life ending at sight and everything seemed to fade out of my eyes. Being a witness to my death approaching at pace I had hope standing on its knees. An unbearable pain rose through my head as the masked man pushed the barrel into my head and this pulled me out. The two men by my side leaped towards the sofa and the man who was holding me hostage followed the suit. Now all four of us bunkered behind the sofa to dodge the bullets of Indian Army.

                After a huge string of firing the situation leaped into deafening silence. The only things to break this silence were the army boots, and the panting breath of the assailants. One of the masked aggressor was holding me in such a way that my head was being squeezed between the sofa and his leg. I was losing my senses and recalling the best moments of my life. I saw my parents in front of my eyes and I asked them to forgive me for not being able to perform my duty of protecting my sister. Even if I tried to do something their sheer physical capability was holding me down. The only thing I could do then was to wait, a patient wait that could helplessly drag me to death. For an hour or so neither the aggressors nor did I move cautioned by a warning that “We hear you hoot and we would shoot”.

                One of them asked others “are we going to die? They would hunt us down…I don’t want to die…!” His voice stammered and probably he was as scared as me. The other one replied “As long as we hold this kid at noose they won’t dare to shoot us down and even if they do so don’t be a coward mujahid (warrior of god) you would go to heaven.” Once again the blanket of silence covered us all and by then both of them understood what their heaven was. The sound of bullets passing by a whiskers length could hardly not overshadow the dreams of heaven at that time. The third one spoke “I’m thirsty…do you have water?” May be they nodded in negation as I did hear no voice. Then one of them lifted me by my neck and the two others punched me black and blue. I yelled in pain when a punch landed on my belly and felt as if they ripped my guts out. Hearing my voice the violence increased and I was lying on the floor trying to protect myself.

                I blanked out till a slap brought me back with one of the aggressors asking me where the water was. I pointed towards the inner room and the worst mistake that I did as Aashi was there and I didn’t want them to see her there. One of them tried to drag me by my neck I could barely walk but he wanted me to walk more than my feet could let me. He dragged me directly to the kitchen probably he knew my home more than a stranger as he may have checked it before entering there and he didn’t see my sister then. He quenched his thirst and took some water for his accomplice. When he was taking me back suddenly he heard something from Aashi’s room and he was smart enough to suspect someone’s presence. He took me as a human shield and inspected the room. I too found Aashi not to be on her bed then he moved on to the bathroom which was attached. He found out that the bathroom was locked from inside and he tried to break open the door. He kicked the door open and found Aashi at one corner all in tears. My heart was crying more than her not knowing her future fate.

                He threw me aside and took steps towards Aashi. He was trying to get hold of her and she was trying to fight back as much as she could. This sight was unbearable; sometimes even death is belittled in front of the plight of our dear ones. He slapped and kicked her loosing counts and this left her as if dead. Seeing my dear sister being thrashed I was dying a thousand deaths. I gathered all my energy and stood up grabbing him from behind. He tried to shrug me off but by then I caught hold of his neck. My hands were an iron vice on his neck. Baffled he started raining bullets all around but the bullets missed me as I was too close to him. He was moving all around and then I tried to get hold of the mirror but missed and could only get a comb in my hand. I started to saw the comb on his neck and screaming in pain he fell on ground with me. With some of my fingers I chiseled my way into his face and with the other I grabbed his neck even tighter. This carried on for some time and slowly the struggle started to wear out. My fingers made way into his eyes but I did not stop.

                Suddenly I heard the other two entering the room and somewhere in my mind I knew that I could not fight both of them. In no time they would take him out of my grab and slay me down like a chicken and the fate of my sister only god can tell. Now the waves of my hope were cutting the rock of death as my efforts to save me and Aashi were tiding higher and higher. I was letting my life drain out in the effort to drain out his life not loosening even a bit when a door banged open and I heard “Hands up Indian Army…!!!”

                Lifting my eyelids which were hundred pounds by then I saw them through my blur vision yes they were the army men telling me to let the militant off my hold. For a moment as if brain dead I could not understand what I should do but the next moment I let him off and then tears gushed out of my eyes like blood out of a slit vein. I saw my sister staring at me with her tender innocent eyes. I hugged her and we both cried with tears all dams broken when a sturdy army man stepped forward and said “Kid it isn’t the time to cry, It’s the time for joys…You have gathered courage and killed a terrorist…!!!” I saw the dead body lying by the side and was startled to see that his face was all in blood and gore and was beyond recognition.

                I wasn’t happy seeing him dead because death has no divisions weather ours or others it is to mourn. I regret the fact that I had to kill him but my grief could have known no bounds if I couldn’t protect Aashi. Its situation we make that compel us to kill and live, believe that we are equal when it’s the right to live.

Gyaan ki baat

2 insaano may ek gehra nata hota hai, kabhi kabhi aap kisiko saalo se jaante ho fir b oose pasand nahi karte aur kabhi kabhi aap kisise pehli bar milte hai aur wo aapka dost ban jata hai chahe internet pe, phone pe, office may kaam karne k dauraan, aapka lift man, aapka watch man.. kisi se b jisko dekhke aapko wo apna saa lagta hai jisse behichak aap hazaro baatein kar sakte hai bina kisi khauf k..

tujhse mera nata toh hai,
par mein nahi jaanta,

tujhe dekh mera dil toh dhadakta hai,
par ye tere dil ko nahi pehchanta.

aashiq sahi, diwana sahi,
par tera mujhse h pehle ka nata koi..

In search of a smile

My day starts with a conflict where my body and my brain start fighting with each other. My brain shows my body a long list of to do’s for the day while by body retaliates with a plea that yesterday was enough no new job please, the conclusion of fights always go in favour of brain the boss of body. So there starts my day with activities I have already listed in my mind for getting ready for the office so my body started working on its own- brushing teethes, switching on geyser for hot water, shaving, bathing, ironing cloths, wearing them and there I am ready for a new challenge.

On my way to local train station I read a text mentioned on wall of temple “your real earning in the life is the smiles you earn in your life” everyday I move from the same road but I never got chance of reading it. It was not like a regular advertisement text that you read and forget, it just hit a corner of my brain which was asking me reason of my existence from quite some days now. On my whole way I tried analyzing the people whom I make happy but it was very hard so I decided, as it is just a beginning of the day let’s see how much smiles I earn today it will give me idea what kind of person I am.

I reached station and jumped out of autoriskshaw and saw the amount in meter that I have to pay to Autowala, it was some 27 bucks, usually autowalas have this problems where passenger don’t give them exact change and they have to struggle with it. So I counted my exact change gave it to autowala and said thankyou very politely, this was my attempt to earn my very first smile for the day. Autowala gave me a very weird look and drove away. I haven’t received my first smile but its okay he has his own worries where he has to cater maximum number of people, he can’t afford wasting time on giving smile to his all the passenger.

I waited for train on station was watching my co-passengers. I was on mission so  if somebody makes eye contact with me, then I will give him a smile and earn a smile in reply. One man came besides me and stood for train to come. He was in his 50s it was like my dad’s age so by respect I gave him a good morning smile but instead of reply he just stood there making a blank face. As train arrive he pushed me away to climb the train. I missed that train not just because of push i received, it was push received post i gave my good morning smile and now I had to catch next train, I felt it would have happened because passengers are more than the places available on train so everybody see everyone as there competition and expecting smile in such scenario is sin in itself.

I reached my client place, being auditor you have to go to client place and work on site. As I reached I started firing good mornings to all I knew in office, my each good morning was accompanied with a big smile. I got reply from everyone but no smiles in reply, few people replied good morning with “sir the data you requested will be given to you by the day end”. No smiles received, I think they were busy with their jobs as it was early morning hours. Whole day I interacted with many people, few helped me understand process, few discussed with me and few fought with me on certain issues and I wrapped up my bag with no smiles in my kitty.

In my quest for smile I made a phone call to home, when you live away from home to work only thing that pleases you is going back home and seeing your parents but you couldn’t go home everytime you have a bad day so talking to parents and asking for love that you are deprived of is only option. I made a call to mom and she asked me what did I eat today so I cant tell lie to mom so I told her that I skipped meal due to work so my mom scolded me with lots of care in her voice, I also had chat with my father who was giving me advice on how to manage work and meal. I tried making them laugh by cracking bad jokes but they were so worried about me that even in this worry they forget that their child need love and simple smile to make his day. With lots of care, advices and love I switched off phone but my scorecard was still unmoved.
I knew now if I want to score the only person who will be happy getting my phone is my best friend. I called my best friend he picked up the phone and said I will call you letter I am into middle of something and phone ended.

I knew it is a very bad day where I am starving for one smile to me and I am getting advice, care, shouts and many more expressions other than a smile. I was deeply frustrated I began to feel like, I had defeated purpose of my life and even not a single person is happy with me to give me a smile. When you are working hard, you never wish somebody’s bad, you never try to dishearten somebody still you have no smiles to receive.

I was going back to my building deeply frustrated, lot more hungry and in lots of hurry and accidentally pushed a drunkard on the ground. I haven’t done it deliberately but my shoulder just touched him and he fell. I shouted on him you don’t know how to walk, if you can’t digest why do you drink this much and bla bla. I cursed him for crossing my road even people supported me as I was the only party in debate who was on his mind. Guy struggled to stand, he saw he in my eye I gave him a angry look and he said it’s my mistake you please don’t mind and he gave me a smile accepting his mistake.

One minutes did he gave me smile, yes he gave me a smile here comes my first smile for the day from the person whom I hated whom I never wanted to talk to, whom I have scolded a lot and he gave me a SMILE. I felt like I have won something and I hugged that guy and said please take care of yourself we need you in this world to spread smiles. I don’t know how much he understood or people watching me might have felt I have gone insane but I know this guy has given me the thing which I couldn’t earn with lots of effort.

This was how I got my smile I am still in search of smiles so everytime you see me or meet me please give me a smile this is the wealth I want from you.


Thanks for reading god bless you all.

Mere maut ka tamasha..

Maut ek aisi haqiqat hai jise aap jhutla nahi sakte. Kisi behad samajhdar insaan ne sahi kaha hai ki “Taklif toh zindagi deti hai, Maut toh yu hi badnaam hai”. Kabhi kisi mrut insaan k chehre ko gaur se dekhiyega ek masoom bachaa gehri neend may jaise sota hai waise hi mrut vyakti b iss sansaar k moh maya se alag apni nishchint nend may hota hai. So lo hume b ye nichchint neend hasil ho hi gayi. Apne zanaze par lete hai fir that humare that rajao se kam nie. Mere chahne walo ki umdi bhid dekhke mujhe bada sukoon mehsus hua. Kyuki agar mujhse koi puchle ki zindagi may aap kya kamaoge toh mein keh du unse “mere zanaze ki bheed”.

Pehle panti may ghar wale the, maa rone may vyast thi pitaji riwaaj pura karne may par inse b jada koi vyast tha toh wo the mere rishtedar jo apne apne riwaaj pure karwana chahte the meri aatma ki shanty k liye. Mere jiteji toh kisine mera haal tak naa liya hoga par aaj sabko kai riwaz sujh rahe the. Koi kuch mangwa raha that toh koi kuch ve log meri aatma ki trupti ko apna jivan yudh bana kar yudh istar pe kaam kar rahe the. Pitaji unke piche bhag rahe the aur saathe mere cousins jinko meri gair hazri may aaj mere kaam diye jaa rahe the, koi kirane k dukaan par sar phod raha tha toh koi bichayat Kendra wale se kursio k liye jhagad raha tha. Kash wo mujhe achese vidaai de paate shayad wo bhul gaye the mein jaa nie chukaa hu mein jaa raha hu. Dusri, tesri panktiya rishtedaaro ne gher li thi.

Chauthi pankti aur ghar k bahar mohalle walo ka pehra tha. Aaj wo mujhe usi tarah vidaai dene aaye the jis tarah who mere result puchne aaya karte the taaki unhe pata chale ki unke bachoo se kahi jada naa laa baitha hu mein number. Wo aaj b usi nishpaap nazar se mujhe dekh rahe the jaise wo dekha karte the jab mein ghar party se late aata tha. Unki nazre aaj bhi mujhe usi shiddat se nihaar rahi thi jis shiddat se wo mujhe laet aate hue dekhkar andaza lagate the ki lagta hai pikar aaya hai, ya usi shiddat se jab meri koi female friend ghar par aati thi. Par padosi aapke sache sathi hote hai zanaze ki bheed ko paani pilane ka unka yogdaan atulniya hai aur mein maut k baad b unka karzdar hu iske liye.

Ghar k ekdum bahar road pe mere dosto ka kabza tha. Mera sabse karibi dosto k aankho may aansu toh nie aaye par uske dil ki tiss mein dekh sakta tha. Par ye sirf kuch logo k sath tha baaki dosto ko ye dost khinch laye the aur dost log b riwaj nibhane may koi kam nahi hote hai aapka birthday ho ya death day aate sabke sab gang may hai. Bechare kafi samay dukhi reh gaye toh bichme mazaak b shuru hogaya, jaise humesha ek dusre ki tang khichai hoti thi waise hi shuru hogai, ek dost ne dusre se kaha kamine dhire marr joke apan kisike maiyyatt may aaye hai. Ab wo dhire mare joke ya jor se mare fark kya padna tha. Kuch dost toh maiyatt pe aayi mere rishtedaro ki sundar ladkio ko niharne lage. Ab koi marr gaya hai toh jivan samapt thodi hota hai unko b apna ghar basana hai.

Sabse ajeeb mujhe apne aala adhikariyo ko dekhke lag raha tha. Unke chehre par dard samajh aaraha tha. Wo mujhe yaad bhi kitne shiddat se kar rahe the, “Ye audit bahot achaa karta tha” “Haan report ka kabhi tension hi nie hua jab tak ye tha, report apne time par ban hi jaati thi” “waise iss baar isko kaun replace karega”. Jinko khush rakhne may meine apni zindagi k mahatvapurn waqt nikal diya aaj wo mere janaze may mera utarradhikari ka chayan kar rahe hai. Aap isko professionalism bula sakte hai.  

Ab naye rishtedaro ki bheed b aagai jo aakar mere shav se jada mere pitaji se khafa the ki unhone unhe bataya nie. Beta marr jaane ki khabar koi gaa gaa kar sunata hai kya. Ab we log aagaye aur sabse kone wali jagah le li. Waqt guzaarne idhar udhar ki baatein shuru hogai. Ek boli”mere bhai k liye ladki dhund rahe hai koi ho toh batao” “Aray woh bisen sahab ki ladki hai nah uske liye b toh dhund rahe hai” Ye lo mere janaze may kisiki match making shuru hogai. Kuch auntiya toh chugli khatam karne taiyaar hi nie the par kya kare meri chita ko agni b toh deni thi nah.

Toh istarh sab apne karyo se waqt nikalke meri antim yatra may sharik hue unko mein tahe dil se shurkiya karta hu.

Alvidaa…

Kindly tick on the below mentioned reaction so that I will be able to know how was it.

Romantic poetry

Mere dil k dhadakano ki aawaz kuch tham si gayi thi,
chaino karar humara kho sa gaya tha,
pata kia ye kiska asar hai
dil lapata kisiko na khabar hai..

sawarne lagi hai zindagi humari,
chane lagi hai ek ajeebsi khumaari,
bekhabar diniya se hum rehne lage hai,
na din ka pata hai na raato ki khabar hai..

ishq may diwana hua jaa raha hai samaa,
chaa gaya hai ajab sa nashaa,
zindagi meri mehekne lagi hai,
tu meri zindagi may aa jo gayi hai...

Mujhe tujhse bahot pyaar hai..

Ishq tujhse karne lage
tujhse milne ab hum tarasne lage
bus tera intazaar hai
Mujhe tujhse bahot pyaar hai..

Tujhe sochte hue din guzarne lage,
bina tere sapno k mujhe neend naa aaye
ye kaisa khushnuma ehsaas hai,
Mujhe tujhse bahot pyaar hai..

Mere ankho may rahe hardum tasveer teri,
tu mujhse na kabhi judaa hojaye
ye mera karaar hai.
Mujhe tujhse bahot pyaar hai..

I am sorry.. I am wicked..!!!

I am sorry.. I am wicked..!!!

It was a bad day after which I return home, and when I say bad day in Chartered Accountancy students life it means disaster. Aman Raheja that’s me was again a victim of such disaster today. My day started with tutorial lectures and today tutor cursed me for not studying, whole day is spent in office doing internship where boss scolded me for mistakes in my work in the next set to tutorial I felt ashamed as I was not able to solve a simple accountancy problem also. It was the day where I got trauma thrice, but in a normal day its one or two at a time. So I came home late by 9pm was feeling fucked up threw shoes to the corner of room where mom gave me another half an hour lecture on discipline and behaviour. It was ruthlessly a bad day for me.

At night, which is the only part of the day when I feel alive, I was busy watching my favorite TV show and a number flashed on my cell phone screen, it was Ishan my best friend sudden emotion of enthusiasm came into me even after a fucked up day as Ishan was the only one whom I can tell the story of my tragic life and he has been patient listener all these days in my life. He was calling me after so many days and was calling on the day when I needed him the most.

Aman: Hi Ishan

Ishan: Hi how are you..?

Aman: Screw this Chartered Accountancy, its taking my life.

Ishan: (Laughs)  we engineering student are equally screwed. You are no exception.

His sentence made me forget all the crapy things happened during the day he was such a comforter.

Ishan: Aman I have one more bad news for you

Aman: Yaar, I have such a bad day that now I can even accept the news of asteroid falling on my building also.

Ishan: Aman today I saw Ritika.

Aman: hmmm

Ishan: with some other guy

After chatting for a while I hung up. Ritika was the only romantic angle in my life, she was the only person whom I loved very deeply but never expressed. Even I was very good friend of her but I haven’t got confidence of proposing her also I was busy in my life where I have to fight with myself to work for 14 hours a day. I don’t know why I was feeling my eyes little moist, though I was damn practical man with no emotion who was working as a machine in his life without a single word of sympathy from anybody. But this robot is emotional today though I had hint of it, but Ishan confirmed the news. Suddenly my heart started aching and I searched for some gazals in my cell phone to listen “Chupke chupke raat din aansu bahana yaad hai”. I haven’t felt bad that she got hooked up with some other guy but she was with Rohit, whom if I compare with myself was nobody. He was born rich this was the only quality he has, has no internship as his father have relations with his Boss who allow him to have a look of office once in a week if he desires so, all his day spent in gyming, partying, enjoying, coming to the tutorials so that he can enjoy sitting at last bench and passing comments watch girls etc. And there is also one thing I noticed in this world, bloody pocket filled people are also good looking it’s such a tragedy for poor hard working loverboy like me who can’t compete with this.

Next day I went early morning tutorial when I saw Ritika she waved me hi..! and to reply I also waved back hi..! Then I noticed Rohit entering and they sharing glimpse and smile I noticed that all and this all was salt on my wound. I tried concentrating on lecture but all I was able to do, as I was watching Ritika turning in every 5 min to see rohit and giving her killer smile which always hypnotized me.

After my office I skipped my second set of tutorial to see Ishan. Ishan was only person whom I wanted to talk in this matter.  Though I wanted to talk to him but it was purely one sided conversation in which he was the speaker.

 So you bloody moron, got disappointed just because your girl hooked up with some one. Just because of girl my highly talented arrogant tiger is behaving as a little wet cat. This is not the Aman I have seen in my life, I have only seen a fighter who was fighting for everything I want you to become the same snatch the things that you deserve, I want you to be yourself back in form not a lazy dog that you have become because of your busy schedule, I want my tiger back who never gave a damn about girl. This lecture from Ishan has made me think all night about myself. Who am I and what I am now?

Next day, when I went to tutorial Ritika waved to me as usual ritual but instead of waving back I went near her and said good morning and shook her hand, also I made sure that Rohit see all the happenings. Today I deliberately sat two benches behind ritika so that I can have perfect view of her and I also bench just infront of Rohit so that he can hear me. During the lecture I spoke to the random person sitting next to me whom I barely know or chat in whole year.

Look at that Ritika hot naa... For starting conversation about a girl that too beautiful you just require to name her because all have some stories to tell you. He began yeas damn hot I replied even she has feeling for me, I am just waiting for right moment to grab her in my arm and kiss her saying I love you. Random boy, are you sure she will say yes..? Definitely said I, else nothing to lose instead I will have a kiss. We both began to laugh, I deliberately tried to laugh lauder so that Rohit could here. Next half an hour I spent discussing Ritika with that random someone, so that Rohit could hear it all. It was my way to make rohit feel that there is something between me and Ritika.

In second set of tutorials I approached the teasing community of our tutorials with a news that Rohit have something with Neeta I have seen them together in weird position. I always felt Neeta and Rohit are more than good friend but I don’t think they felt the same but teasing community need a name that I provided them. As Neeta entered the class the teasing community guys started shouting name of Rohit and fortunately Rohit entered same time and people laughed on him. I was watching Ritika’s face all these time, totally disgusted expressions. Whole class started talking about Neeta and Rohit and some boys started interrogating Rohit directly. When this entire scene was happening I was quietly hiding my face inside my book pretending that I don’t care them I am here for studying.

Now the things were on for two days where people started linking neeta and rohit and I began to go and talk to ritika for any silly reason before rohit so that he can see me. It is easy to create misunderstandings now rohit will feel that ritika is fighting with him because of me and ritika will fight with him asking several questions about neeta typical female tendency and that’s where my job gets done.

 After few days I got a call from RItika the girl who never cared for me, who never replied ever to my texts, I was dying to talk to her but she never cared I loved her like anything but she even didn’t notice that’s the irony of my life people remember me only when they need me.

Ritika: Hi

Aman: Hi, How are you? How come you called me?

Ritika: Casually, cant I call my friend without any reason.

Aman: Ofcourse you can

 (I knew she has a specific purpose of calling me, after 2-3 min of casual chit-chat)

Ritika: Rohit and neeta story is true of what? it is hitting popularity these days.

Aman: Yes I also heard about them, somebody told me they caught them kissing in parking lot of tutorials.

Ritika: Ohh what a shame

Aman: Good for them, what we have to do with it?

Ritika: Yes I agree. Hey aman can I tell you one secret thing, you are such a good friend of mine and I trust you a lot therefore I want to share with you only

Aman: Tell me I won’t tell anybody

Ritika: This guy Rohit was hitting on me, even I accepted his proposal believing he is nice guy but he is another jerk.

Aman: That’s terrible, why didn’t you ask me about it earlier, everybody knows how crap rohit is.

Ritika: It was my mistake, I felt that he loves me but….

And she started weeping on phone, even though she was only crying but I was feeling the same amount of pain as she was. I never wanted to make her cry, even I can’t see her in pain. I started feeling guilty for my act it was not the thing I wanted to achieve. People say best opportunity to get hooked up with somebody is when he/she is just breakoff and they need support. But I was feeling guilty of doing everything and was feeling that I do not deserve Ritika, manipulator like me doesn’t deserve simple girl with her clean heart.

The damage I did was incurable and I had no courage of accepting it and apologizing.

After sometime Ritika found some other guy this time also my heart has same amount of pain but I know I deserve this pain as punishment to my wickedness.

The thing I wanted to say and will never be able to say to Ritika, Rohit and Neeta is “I am sorry, I am wicked”