In search of a smile

My day starts with a conflict where my body and my brain start fighting with each other. My brain shows my body a long list of to do’s for the day while by body retaliates with a plea that yesterday was enough no new job please, the conclusion of fights always go in favour of brain the boss of body. So there starts my day with activities I have already listed in my mind for getting ready for the office so my body started working on its own- brushing teethes, switching on geyser for hot water, shaving, bathing, ironing cloths, wearing them and there I am ready for a new challenge.

On my way to local train station I read a text mentioned on wall of temple “your real earning in the life is the smiles you earn in your life” everyday I move from the same road but I never got chance of reading it. It was not like a regular advertisement text that you read and forget, it just hit a corner of my brain which was asking me reason of my existence from quite some days now. On my whole way I tried analyzing the people whom I make happy but it was very hard so I decided, as it is just a beginning of the day let’s see how much smiles I earn today it will give me idea what kind of person I am.

I reached station and jumped out of autoriskshaw and saw the amount in meter that I have to pay to Autowala, it was some 27 bucks, usually autowalas have this problems where passenger don’t give them exact change and they have to struggle with it. So I counted my exact change gave it to autowala and said thankyou very politely, this was my attempt to earn my very first smile for the day. Autowala gave me a very weird look and drove away. I haven’t received my first smile but its okay he has his own worries where he has to cater maximum number of people, he can’t afford wasting time on giving smile to his all the passenger.

I waited for train on station was watching my co-passengers. I was on mission so  if somebody makes eye contact with me, then I will give him a smile and earn a smile in reply. One man came besides me and stood for train to come. He was in his 50s it was like my dad’s age so by respect I gave him a good morning smile but instead of reply he just stood there making a blank face. As train arrive he pushed me away to climb the train. I missed that train not just because of push i received, it was push received post i gave my good morning smile and now I had to catch next train, I felt it would have happened because passengers are more than the places available on train so everybody see everyone as there competition and expecting smile in such scenario is sin in itself.

I reached my client place, being auditor you have to go to client place and work on site. As I reached I started firing good mornings to all I knew in office, my each good morning was accompanied with a big smile. I got reply from everyone but no smiles in reply, few people replied good morning with “sir the data you requested will be given to you by the day end”. No smiles received, I think they were busy with their jobs as it was early morning hours. Whole day I interacted with many people, few helped me understand process, few discussed with me and few fought with me on certain issues and I wrapped up my bag with no smiles in my kitty.

In my quest for smile I made a phone call to home, when you live away from home to work only thing that pleases you is going back home and seeing your parents but you couldn’t go home everytime you have a bad day so talking to parents and asking for love that you are deprived of is only option. I made a call to mom and she asked me what did I eat today so I cant tell lie to mom so I told her that I skipped meal due to work so my mom scolded me with lots of care in her voice, I also had chat with my father who was giving me advice on how to manage work and meal. I tried making them laugh by cracking bad jokes but they were so worried about me that even in this worry they forget that their child need love and simple smile to make his day. With lots of care, advices and love I switched off phone but my scorecard was still unmoved.
I knew now if I want to score the only person who will be happy getting my phone is my best friend. I called my best friend he picked up the phone and said I will call you letter I am into middle of something and phone ended.

I knew it is a very bad day where I am starving for one smile to me and I am getting advice, care, shouts and many more expressions other than a smile. I was deeply frustrated I began to feel like, I had defeated purpose of my life and even not a single person is happy with me to give me a smile. When you are working hard, you never wish somebody’s bad, you never try to dishearten somebody still you have no smiles to receive.

I was going back to my building deeply frustrated, lot more hungry and in lots of hurry and accidentally pushed a drunkard on the ground. I haven’t done it deliberately but my shoulder just touched him and he fell. I shouted on him you don’t know how to walk, if you can’t digest why do you drink this much and bla bla. I cursed him for crossing my road even people supported me as I was the only party in debate who was on his mind. Guy struggled to stand, he saw he in my eye I gave him a angry look and he said it’s my mistake you please don’t mind and he gave me a smile accepting his mistake.

One minutes did he gave me smile, yes he gave me a smile here comes my first smile for the day from the person whom I hated whom I never wanted to talk to, whom I have scolded a lot and he gave me a SMILE. I felt like I have won something and I hugged that guy and said please take care of yourself we need you in this world to spread smiles. I don’t know how much he understood or people watching me might have felt I have gone insane but I know this guy has given me the thing which I couldn’t earn with lots of effort.

This was how I got my smile I am still in search of smiles so everytime you see me or meet me please give me a smile this is the wealth I want from you.


Thanks for reading god bless you all.

Mere maut ka tamasha..

Maut ek aisi haqiqat hai jise aap jhutla nahi sakte. Kisi behad samajhdar insaan ne sahi kaha hai ki “Taklif toh zindagi deti hai, Maut toh yu hi badnaam hai”. Kabhi kisi mrut insaan k chehre ko gaur se dekhiyega ek masoom bachaa gehri neend may jaise sota hai waise hi mrut vyakti b iss sansaar k moh maya se alag apni nishchint nend may hota hai. So lo hume b ye nichchint neend hasil ho hi gayi. Apne zanaze par lete hai fir that humare that rajao se kam nie. Mere chahne walo ki umdi bhid dekhke mujhe bada sukoon mehsus hua. Kyuki agar mujhse koi puchle ki zindagi may aap kya kamaoge toh mein keh du unse “mere zanaze ki bheed”.

Pehle panti may ghar wale the, maa rone may vyast thi pitaji riwaaj pura karne may par inse b jada koi vyast tha toh wo the mere rishtedar jo apne apne riwaaj pure karwana chahte the meri aatma ki shanty k liye. Mere jiteji toh kisine mera haal tak naa liya hoga par aaj sabko kai riwaz sujh rahe the. Koi kuch mangwa raha that toh koi kuch ve log meri aatma ki trupti ko apna jivan yudh bana kar yudh istar pe kaam kar rahe the. Pitaji unke piche bhag rahe the aur saathe mere cousins jinko meri gair hazri may aaj mere kaam diye jaa rahe the, koi kirane k dukaan par sar phod raha tha toh koi bichayat Kendra wale se kursio k liye jhagad raha tha. Kash wo mujhe achese vidaai de paate shayad wo bhul gaye the mein jaa nie chukaa hu mein jaa raha hu. Dusri, tesri panktiya rishtedaaro ne gher li thi.

Chauthi pankti aur ghar k bahar mohalle walo ka pehra tha. Aaj wo mujhe usi tarah vidaai dene aaye the jis tarah who mere result puchne aaya karte the taaki unhe pata chale ki unke bachoo se kahi jada naa laa baitha hu mein number. Wo aaj b usi nishpaap nazar se mujhe dekh rahe the jaise wo dekha karte the jab mein ghar party se late aata tha. Unki nazre aaj bhi mujhe usi shiddat se nihaar rahi thi jis shiddat se wo mujhe laet aate hue dekhkar andaza lagate the ki lagta hai pikar aaya hai, ya usi shiddat se jab meri koi female friend ghar par aati thi. Par padosi aapke sache sathi hote hai zanaze ki bheed ko paani pilane ka unka yogdaan atulniya hai aur mein maut k baad b unka karzdar hu iske liye.

Ghar k ekdum bahar road pe mere dosto ka kabza tha. Mera sabse karibi dosto k aankho may aansu toh nie aaye par uske dil ki tiss mein dekh sakta tha. Par ye sirf kuch logo k sath tha baaki dosto ko ye dost khinch laye the aur dost log b riwaj nibhane may koi kam nahi hote hai aapka birthday ho ya death day aate sabke sab gang may hai. Bechare kafi samay dukhi reh gaye toh bichme mazaak b shuru hogaya, jaise humesha ek dusre ki tang khichai hoti thi waise hi shuru hogai, ek dost ne dusre se kaha kamine dhire marr joke apan kisike maiyyatt may aaye hai. Ab wo dhire mare joke ya jor se mare fark kya padna tha. Kuch dost toh maiyatt pe aayi mere rishtedaro ki sundar ladkio ko niharne lage. Ab koi marr gaya hai toh jivan samapt thodi hota hai unko b apna ghar basana hai.

Sabse ajeeb mujhe apne aala adhikariyo ko dekhke lag raha tha. Unke chehre par dard samajh aaraha tha. Wo mujhe yaad bhi kitne shiddat se kar rahe the, “Ye audit bahot achaa karta tha” “Haan report ka kabhi tension hi nie hua jab tak ye tha, report apne time par ban hi jaati thi” “waise iss baar isko kaun replace karega”. Jinko khush rakhne may meine apni zindagi k mahatvapurn waqt nikal diya aaj wo mere janaze may mera utarradhikari ka chayan kar rahe hai. Aap isko professionalism bula sakte hai.  

Ab naye rishtedaro ki bheed b aagai jo aakar mere shav se jada mere pitaji se khafa the ki unhone unhe bataya nie. Beta marr jaane ki khabar koi gaa gaa kar sunata hai kya. Ab we log aagaye aur sabse kone wali jagah le li. Waqt guzaarne idhar udhar ki baatein shuru hogai. Ek boli”mere bhai k liye ladki dhund rahe hai koi ho toh batao” “Aray woh bisen sahab ki ladki hai nah uske liye b toh dhund rahe hai” Ye lo mere janaze may kisiki match making shuru hogai. Kuch auntiya toh chugli khatam karne taiyaar hi nie the par kya kare meri chita ko agni b toh deni thi nah.

Toh istarh sab apne karyo se waqt nikalke meri antim yatra may sharik hue unko mein tahe dil se shurkiya karta hu.

Alvidaa…

Kindly tick on the below mentioned reaction so that I will be able to know how was it.

Romantic poetry

Mere dil k dhadakano ki aawaz kuch tham si gayi thi,
chaino karar humara kho sa gaya tha,
pata kia ye kiska asar hai
dil lapata kisiko na khabar hai..

sawarne lagi hai zindagi humari,
chane lagi hai ek ajeebsi khumaari,
bekhabar diniya se hum rehne lage hai,
na din ka pata hai na raato ki khabar hai..

ishq may diwana hua jaa raha hai samaa,
chaa gaya hai ajab sa nashaa,
zindagi meri mehekne lagi hai,
tu meri zindagi may aa jo gayi hai...

Mujhe tujhse bahot pyaar hai..

Ishq tujhse karne lage
tujhse milne ab hum tarasne lage
bus tera intazaar hai
Mujhe tujhse bahot pyaar hai..

Tujhe sochte hue din guzarne lage,
bina tere sapno k mujhe neend naa aaye
ye kaisa khushnuma ehsaas hai,
Mujhe tujhse bahot pyaar hai..

Mere ankho may rahe hardum tasveer teri,
tu mujhse na kabhi judaa hojaye
ye mera karaar hai.
Mujhe tujhse bahot pyaar hai..

I am sorry.. I am wicked..!!!

I am sorry.. I am wicked..!!!

It was a bad day after which I return home, and when I say bad day in Chartered Accountancy students life it means disaster. Aman Raheja that’s me was again a victim of such disaster today. My day started with tutorial lectures and today tutor cursed me for not studying, whole day is spent in office doing internship where boss scolded me for mistakes in my work in the next set to tutorial I felt ashamed as I was not able to solve a simple accountancy problem also. It was the day where I got trauma thrice, but in a normal day its one or two at a time. So I came home late by 9pm was feeling fucked up threw shoes to the corner of room where mom gave me another half an hour lecture on discipline and behaviour. It was ruthlessly a bad day for me.

At night, which is the only part of the day when I feel alive, I was busy watching my favorite TV show and a number flashed on my cell phone screen, it was Ishan my best friend sudden emotion of enthusiasm came into me even after a fucked up day as Ishan was the only one whom I can tell the story of my tragic life and he has been patient listener all these days in my life. He was calling me after so many days and was calling on the day when I needed him the most.

Aman: Hi Ishan

Ishan: Hi how are you..?

Aman: Screw this Chartered Accountancy, its taking my life.

Ishan: (Laughs)  we engineering student are equally screwed. You are no exception.

His sentence made me forget all the crapy things happened during the day he was such a comforter.

Ishan: Aman I have one more bad news for you

Aman: Yaar, I have such a bad day that now I can even accept the news of asteroid falling on my building also.

Ishan: Aman today I saw Ritika.

Aman: hmmm

Ishan: with some other guy

After chatting for a while I hung up. Ritika was the only romantic angle in my life, she was the only person whom I loved very deeply but never expressed. Even I was very good friend of her but I haven’t got confidence of proposing her also I was busy in my life where I have to fight with myself to work for 14 hours a day. I don’t know why I was feeling my eyes little moist, though I was damn practical man with no emotion who was working as a machine in his life without a single word of sympathy from anybody. But this robot is emotional today though I had hint of it, but Ishan confirmed the news. Suddenly my heart started aching and I searched for some gazals in my cell phone to listen “Chupke chupke raat din aansu bahana yaad hai”. I haven’t felt bad that she got hooked up with some other guy but she was with Rohit, whom if I compare with myself was nobody. He was born rich this was the only quality he has, has no internship as his father have relations with his Boss who allow him to have a look of office once in a week if he desires so, all his day spent in gyming, partying, enjoying, coming to the tutorials so that he can enjoy sitting at last bench and passing comments watch girls etc. And there is also one thing I noticed in this world, bloody pocket filled people are also good looking it’s such a tragedy for poor hard working loverboy like me who can’t compete with this.

Next day I went early morning tutorial when I saw Ritika she waved me hi..! and to reply I also waved back hi..! Then I noticed Rohit entering and they sharing glimpse and smile I noticed that all and this all was salt on my wound. I tried concentrating on lecture but all I was able to do, as I was watching Ritika turning in every 5 min to see rohit and giving her killer smile which always hypnotized me.

After my office I skipped my second set of tutorial to see Ishan. Ishan was only person whom I wanted to talk in this matter.  Though I wanted to talk to him but it was purely one sided conversation in which he was the speaker.

 So you bloody moron, got disappointed just because your girl hooked up with some one. Just because of girl my highly talented arrogant tiger is behaving as a little wet cat. This is not the Aman I have seen in my life, I have only seen a fighter who was fighting for everything I want you to become the same snatch the things that you deserve, I want you to be yourself back in form not a lazy dog that you have become because of your busy schedule, I want my tiger back who never gave a damn about girl. This lecture from Ishan has made me think all night about myself. Who am I and what I am now?

Next day, when I went to tutorial Ritika waved to me as usual ritual but instead of waving back I went near her and said good morning and shook her hand, also I made sure that Rohit see all the happenings. Today I deliberately sat two benches behind ritika so that I can have perfect view of her and I also bench just infront of Rohit so that he can hear me. During the lecture I spoke to the random person sitting next to me whom I barely know or chat in whole year.

Look at that Ritika hot naa... For starting conversation about a girl that too beautiful you just require to name her because all have some stories to tell you. He began yeas damn hot I replied even she has feeling for me, I am just waiting for right moment to grab her in my arm and kiss her saying I love you. Random boy, are you sure she will say yes..? Definitely said I, else nothing to lose instead I will have a kiss. We both began to laugh, I deliberately tried to laugh lauder so that Rohit could here. Next half an hour I spent discussing Ritika with that random someone, so that Rohit could hear it all. It was my way to make rohit feel that there is something between me and Ritika.

In second set of tutorials I approached the teasing community of our tutorials with a news that Rohit have something with Neeta I have seen them together in weird position. I always felt Neeta and Rohit are more than good friend but I don’t think they felt the same but teasing community need a name that I provided them. As Neeta entered the class the teasing community guys started shouting name of Rohit and fortunately Rohit entered same time and people laughed on him. I was watching Ritika’s face all these time, totally disgusted expressions. Whole class started talking about Neeta and Rohit and some boys started interrogating Rohit directly. When this entire scene was happening I was quietly hiding my face inside my book pretending that I don’t care them I am here for studying.

Now the things were on for two days where people started linking neeta and rohit and I began to go and talk to ritika for any silly reason before rohit so that he can see me. It is easy to create misunderstandings now rohit will feel that ritika is fighting with him because of me and ritika will fight with him asking several questions about neeta typical female tendency and that’s where my job gets done.

 After few days I got a call from RItika the girl who never cared for me, who never replied ever to my texts, I was dying to talk to her but she never cared I loved her like anything but she even didn’t notice that’s the irony of my life people remember me only when they need me.

Ritika: Hi

Aman: Hi, How are you? How come you called me?

Ritika: Casually, cant I call my friend without any reason.

Aman: Ofcourse you can

 (I knew she has a specific purpose of calling me, after 2-3 min of casual chit-chat)

Ritika: Rohit and neeta story is true of what? it is hitting popularity these days.

Aman: Yes I also heard about them, somebody told me they caught them kissing in parking lot of tutorials.

Ritika: Ohh what a shame

Aman: Good for them, what we have to do with it?

Ritika: Yes I agree. Hey aman can I tell you one secret thing, you are such a good friend of mine and I trust you a lot therefore I want to share with you only

Aman: Tell me I won’t tell anybody

Ritika: This guy Rohit was hitting on me, even I accepted his proposal believing he is nice guy but he is another jerk.

Aman: That’s terrible, why didn’t you ask me about it earlier, everybody knows how crap rohit is.

Ritika: It was my mistake, I felt that he loves me but….

And she started weeping on phone, even though she was only crying but I was feeling the same amount of pain as she was. I never wanted to make her cry, even I can’t see her in pain. I started feeling guilty for my act it was not the thing I wanted to achieve. People say best opportunity to get hooked up with somebody is when he/she is just breakoff and they need support. But I was feeling guilty of doing everything and was feeling that I do not deserve Ritika, manipulator like me doesn’t deserve simple girl with her clean heart.

The damage I did was incurable and I had no courage of accepting it and apologizing.

After sometime Ritika found some other guy this time also my heart has same amount of pain but I know I deserve this pain as punishment to my wickedness.

The thing I wanted to say and will never be able to say to Ritika, Rohit and Neeta is “I am sorry, I am wicked”

Love what a mess.!!!

Love Mess

                Today it wasn’t an ordinary day; after bathing in the heavy rain the night before, this new day had a charm of its own. The last drop clinging on to the grass blades, the roads wet all drenched and the typical pleasing smell of the earth; I loved it all. When this happens right at the dawn, it brings a different joy. Going to the tuition every morning was a juggernaut task for me but today the start was so special that nothing seemed painful. I gave a missed call to Sachin; this was a signal that I gave to tell him that I have left my home all Buckled, so that he could be ready and waiting for me on the lane just outside his home.

                I kick started my bike but today I didn’t found Sachin waiting for me as usual. So as soon as I reached in front of his home I called him at the top of my voice, “Sachinn...!” He came to the balcony and said, “Rohit..Just 2 minutes...!” and I started waiting for him. All of a sudden I saw the house exactly opposite to Sachin’s home, where a beautiful girl was watering the plants. She saw me and she smiled and my heart went wild and pounding. Damn..!! A girl so beautiful smiling at me...Jeez I love this waiting now...!! I wasn’t sparing her of my piercing stare and she was steeling glimpses in between. During this our eyes often met. I too took out my glasses and wore it so that if at all the eyes meet they should meet in style...but on this very moment that moron, Sachin came.

Rohit: You bugger couldn’t you come after a few more minutes..!!

Sachin: why? What happened..?

Rohit: Dude whos that girl..your neighbour...??

Sachin: Shes a kid..was two years junior at our school.

Rohit: This kid has grown up now, Dude you got a good luck...!!

Sachin: Dude shes a screwed up case, she even goes for junkies...leave it..!

                We reached at the tuition class and as usual we reached early because I hate impunctuality. We straight away went to our last bench and sat there. Gone are the days when benches at schools and colleges used to get filled right from the start; now a day the last benches get filled first and then only the helpless ones make their way to the front ones. As usual I knelt down and waited, not for the tutor but for Rekha Jethwani. She was the only inspiration that could drive me through the 6:00AM lecture. Sachin dived into his much cherished sea of knowledge with his habitual partners of crime and why not he was the golden club student so this saint always had a swarm of followers accompanying him. Rekha stepped into the class with all her pride dressed in a black sleeveless top and I couldn’t help my jaw not to drop. The first half passed in a battle between my studies and the the adorable beauty of Rekha and then came my breakfast time.

                Sachin was busy with his eternal duty of enlightening his disciples so I thought that I should fetch a tea for me. “Kaka...A tea for me please..!” and I heard a melodious voice asking for tea from behind. I turned to see and I froze ...The attendant served both our tea and both of us stepped forward with a Rs.10 note in our hand. Now both of us looked towards each other and I gathered all my guts and said, “May I buy you a tea?” She was amazed but as we say, helplessness the name of Gandhi!

I spent the rest of the tuition planning about my future, my happy married life and kids with Rekha. It was any ways better than the Scum-face tutor and the accounts lessons that went tangnt to me. After the tuition we left for our home and while driving I told Sachin

Sachin: So what was so special in it?

Rohit: Fool..You won’t get it..!

Sachin: Fool you craped your money for her, had you had a rip at her money it would had been a point to notice..!!

Rohit: Mr.Sachin, love aint a cup of your tea...!!

                Fortunately or unfortunately I along with Sachin were interns under the same boss. I knew today it wont be a heavy work day, its Saturday. We reached office, worked a bit then we came to know that boos is out of the office for the day. Now all that was left was to finish the day off to go back to home. I had even switched to my enjoyment mode keeping all the work aside but Sachin was still busy beating on his computer keypad. Now I was busy deciding whom should I irritate? Sachin gets pissed off much early so Minal was the next soft target for me. Minal too is an employee at our office. She spends half her time adoring me. I knew this and all among the office staff had this issue noted for pulling her legs. Sometimes I thought she is a nice chick to try on but often my mind changed after looking at her; but today I had no other choice to spend my time.

Rohit: Hi Minal! Wassup..Is that report finalised?

Minal: Yup..It is nearly finished...just need some help

Sachin came in from nowhere.

Sachin: Need some help..Can I?

                I thought all my efforts went in vain. I had toiled a lot to find this timepass but Sachin just snatched it away. Now both of them were busy jumping there fingures on the keyboard but luckily I saw Juhi. Juhi came to us waved hi to us, Sachin gave unenthusiastic response while she waited for him.  Juhi was a beautiful girl and my office colleagues went drooling over her but she didn’t care a tinker’s damn for anybody. Being elder to me I couldn’t create any romantic angle towards her but  still she was a good friend for me. A beautiful girl aproaching, though elder or younger getting deny; man this is not the Rohit Shetty style!

                So after all the came to an end and I went to drop Sachin home and we started chatting. I was peeping towards the neighbours’ home for the obvious reason. In a casual chat the topic of romance got started, huge and effective tips for successful tips started pouring out from every corner. Sachin was in a flow of emotions and so I thought its a nice time to dig out some secrets. I asked him,” Isn’t there even a single one for whom you lost your heart?” He tried to dodge my treasure hunter queries but finally he mentioned Minal as the one.

                I was startled by the fact that I suggested him three chicks through the day and he always fished out a fault in them but he couldn’t find out that Minal wasn’t even a bit above average. This is solely because he aws a lover boy romantic and emotional person sunk till his neck in his emotions and to call him a spade in front of him was like digging a pit for myself.

So to conclude the girls I like, Sachin is not interested in them though they are achievable for him if Sachin gives proper attention to them and the girl who likes me  and don’t give damn on Sachin like her. Actually we humans are greedy, we love those task which are difficult and beyond our easy zone.

Life is a big irony..as Minal is the love of his life he can justify her  against all odds though I can put points against her. Its really a love mess.

Pain absorbers…

Pain absorbers…

Few years back I was watching a movie. I don’t even remember its name, but I remember only one scene in which Sanjay Dutt was some kind of baba and people came to him with their pain, he used to touch them absorb their pain and for a few moments he suffered and the person who came to him got rid of his disease. This scene always makes me think that, are their anymore pain absorbers in his world.

Psychiatry is an occupation, which always gave me an odd feeling. I never understood what they did in reality. If I say it my way, “Chutiya banane ke dhande hai!” I beg your pardon for my language. But the business of psychiatry or shops of psychiatrists are flourishing leaps and bounds. There must be some reason for it. When I gave a deep thought to it, I found that they are mental pain absorbers. People go to them with their mental pain; the things they can’t solve. Psychiatrists absorb peoples’ problem into their own mind and thus the patient’s hard disk gets formatted.

Friends play the same role. Tell your best friend your problem and see his face; if you can find him/her tensed, then he/she is probably your best friend. You can even see a tear in your friend’s eyes if your problem is that serious. I am not going deeper in this as you know that a friend in need is friend indeed.

Here comes the best pain absorber; your family. Have you ever noticed your mom getting tensed at the time of your exam result or your father talking to you in bare minimum words when you are stepping out of home for a job, study or anything? This is your pain that they are letting to seep into themselves and gifting you a huge smile. Have you ever seen children weeping and hugging their parents? It’s a normal thing, but have you ever noticed the face of a parent during when he consoles his child. Look into those eyes, you can see the same amount of pain that the child is facing or may be more than that.

Has a movie or a novel ending with a sad note dampened your mood? It happens as you start acting as pain absorber; in this case you absorb the pain of the movie character or the character in that novel and start feeling his pain as if yours. It happened with me too! I was saddened for a week, because the novel I was reading ended on a sad note and not as I wish it to be.

We human being, the best processor in this world have an open USB port. We connect to the people and try to download their sorrows into our happy life, to reduce their sorrows may be a little and that’s why we are human beings. I have even seen people who are bothering about disasters in others’ lives, forgetting their own life. That’s even a kind of stupidity. Do not download the data more than your disk space or else your system will get slow and eventually high data processing will hamper your life.

On the ending note of my wisdom not worth a penny I will say, “Absorb pain of others’ life into your happy life, as happiness is not the only thing we are here for, pain is even better but still you don’t want it. But mind it; a little pain in your life will make your life worthy living.

Ye Pyaar tha ya haar (Short Fiction story)

Ye Pyaar tha ya haar

(Short Fiction story)

Mujhe uss se pehli nazar may hi pyaar hogaya tha jab wo mere saamne se guzri aur saamne wale sofa may jakar baith gayi. Mein nazre bacha bacha kar uski taraf dekh raha tha, andar se darr b tha ki wo mujhe oose ghoorta hua naa pakad le par use dekhne ka lalach mujhe rukne nahi de raha tha. Wo suraj ki kirne jo uske muh par padd rahi thi, use bachne ki uski koshish, uski choti choti aankho ka aur chota hojana, wo uska muh banana,palke jhapkana mujhe toh ooski har ada se pyaar hogaya tha.Shayad mere zindagi ka pehla pyaar.  Mereaas paas dheero baate ho rahi thi par mujhe toh sirf wo hi dikhai de rahi thi.

Mein ek sadharan sa ladka tha jisne zindagi may unglio par ginni jitni hi uplabhdiyaa prapt ki thi. Mujhe bachpan se rules sikhaye gaye jaise sabko sikhaye jaate hai for example ticket counter k saamne line lagao, school time pe jao, subah jaldi utho, raatme jaldi soo etc aur meine pure imandaari se har ek rule ko nibhaya be hai. Mujhe rules todna pasand nie tha, kabhi bhi nie, agar galtise koi rule toot b jata toh mere andr guilt aane lag jaati hai. Shayad kartavya parayan ye sikh mere andr tak ghar kar chuki thi.

School mein saare teachers ka sabse pyaara aur baaki class ka dushman no. 1. Ye humesha hota hai agar aap teachers k aankho k tare hai toh dosto k aankho k kaate b apne aap ban jaate hai. Fir b mujhse nafrat karna itna b aasan nie tha kyuki mein madad karne se b kabhi piche nie hatta tha. Ab School life tenant life may badal chuki thi ab rank 1 laane se jada famous wo hota tha jiski sabse sundar girlfriend hoti. Par mein apne zindagi  rules may bandha tha mujhe sikhaya gaya tha ki ye sab paap hai toh humne b apni zimmedaari imaandari se nibhai aur kabhi road na bhatke.

College may mujhe sirf career hi dikhai deta tha kyuki mera rule kehta tha ki college jaaakar padhai ki jaaye.Ab tenants adult hogaye aur sutta marne lage par humne humesha duri hi banayi rakhi thi. Pyaar mohobbat k daur chalte rahe kisne kiske sath link up kiya aur kisne kiske sath breakup sabki khabre humtak pahuchti rahi par hum jaha the wahi the. Ye kehna toh galat hi hoga ki rules break karne ki mujhe kabhi ikcha nie hui, par meine apne mann ko kuch self imposed rules se baandh rakha tha. Jaisa ki kaha jaata hai ki kaid kiye panchi ko aazad b kar do toh wo ghumke wapas pinjare may hi aajata hai bus usi trarah mujhe ab iss kaid se yaari hogai thi.

Ab office aagaya, saikdo students ko pachadkar humne naukri haasil ki. Ghamand tha hume apne aap pe ki humne jo chaha wo kar dikhaya kyuki saalo ki mehnat ka fal ab kaatne ka waqt aachuka tha. Corporate life style aur work style se parichay hua. Par jab parichay hua tab ye mehsus b hua ki shayad mein isi k liye apne aapko rules may badha nie karta tha, mein apne aapk ko kabhi unlogo se judaa mehsoos naa kar pata ab office parties may sharabo k daur chalte the aur hum hath may juice ka glass liye ghumte the. Ab toh log husne b lag gaye hum par ki ye daaru nie pita hai par is hasi k saamne mujhe kabhi sharm mehsoos nie hui ulta garv hota tha ki jo rules khud bana liye usko meine puri nishtha k sath palan kar paya hu. Ab weekends may sab apni wali k sath busy hojaate the aur mein akeela baithke books padhte ya movie dekhte rahe. Ab office k chunindaa dosto may meri image sidhe saade ladke ki ban gayi thi, ab kyuki sabko pata tha ki mera kuch ho nie sakta toh sab ab puchne lage the ki meri shadi kab hogi.Mujhe b ab intazaar hone laga apni zindagi ko complete karne k liye.

Waise mere ghar wale mujhse kafi saalo se mannate karte rahe the ki shaadi kar le par humeshase mera kuch kaam baaki tha bt ek moment pe jaakar mere ghar walo ka sabr ka bandh bhi tut gaya aur unhone aakhir mujhe ek ladki dekhne k liye mana hi liye. Mein kisi audit committee ya kisi board meeting may b itna nervous nie tha jitna mein aaj tha uparse saare relatives pasand puch puchke pareshan kar rakha tha. Ab mere jaisa insaan jisne kabhi socha b nie apne life partner ke baareme wo kya apni pasand batayegaa.

Papa ne aaj badi wali car nikaali thi aur driver kia tha, apni car mujhe khud drive karne may mazaa aata tha par aaj saare instructions follow karne padd rahe the. Apna sabse acha shirt pant pehenke tayaar kia gaya tha. Ab hum unke ghar pahoch gaye aur mujhe VIP treatment milna shuru hogaya, laddu khao ye khao tum kuch khate b nie, itna importance toh mujhe zindagi may shayad hi kabhi mila hoga. Aaj tak toh khana hai toh kha warna mat kha wala concept hi meine dekha tha. Log ice breakers chalane lage ab mujhe aadat si thi meetings attend kar karke diplomatic behaiour. Ek smile dete raho bus. Fir achanak se mummy ne kaha “aap ki bitiyaa ko toh bulaiye” ye sunke mummy ko flying kiss dene ka mann kar raha tha. Ye bhi mere sath hota rehta tha jab board meetings may agenda chodke idhar udhar ki baate hone lagti aur ek director bolta lets come back to todays agenda tb usko b flying kiss dene ka mann karta  Ab mein apni aankhe ghumaane laga idhar udhar.

Aur ek sehmisi ladki hath may tray lekar andr aayi, pehna toh saadi tha par mujhe samajh aaraha tha ki its not her usual dress. Oosee dekhte hi mann may ek khushnumaa sa ehsaas hone laga, chehre pe achanak se ek muskaan si aane lagi par mujhe pata tha control may rehnaa hai saare bade log aas pass baithe hue hai. Oosee mumma ne pass bithaya, suraj ki kirne khidkiyo ko par karke uske chehre pay padh rahi thi par wo unse bachkar muskuraa kar jawab de rahi thi. Jaisa ki pehle bataya bus wahi mujhe apne zindagi ka pehla pyaar hogaya. Fir koi kahi se chillane laga ladka ladki ko aapas may kuch baat karne do.Abhi toh mein apne pehle pyaar ko puri tarah mehsoos bhi nie kar paya tha ki itnaa tension wala kaam aagaya. Ab meri phattne lagi, pyaar karna bahot aasan hai yaar par baat karna behad mujhki hai.

Mujhe toh pasine aarahe the jab mujhe jabardasti akelaa bitha diya gaya, meine ghabraaye ghabraye use puchaa “aapka naam??” aur mere dimag may fatt se click hua ki kaun pagal ladki dekhne aata hai bina ladki ka naam jaane, mujhe uska naam pata bhi tha par ab mera dimaag apna kaam kar hi nahi raha tha. Fir bhi usne mujhe muskura kar apnaa naam bataya aur mein wahi flat hogaya ab toh mujhe uski wo khilti hui muskurahat se b pyaar hogaya tha. Meine use uske college k baaareme pucha ab mujhe bahot aadat thi interviews lene ki toh iss baareme que puchne may mujhe koi problem hi nie thi. Aur wo Sharma Sharma k aswer diye jaa rahi thi meri himmat toh nie thi usko direct dekhne ki par mein apni tirchi nazrose uski tasvirr ko jitna apne mann may basa saku basa raha tha. Uski tasvir mere dil may basti jaa rahi thi aur mera pathar dil pighlaa jaa raha tha. Mera bus chalta toh mein wahi behosh ho jata pr mein ladka tha toh isiliye mein tough banne ki acting karne laga aur ghabrahat k mare bahot saare questions puchne laga.Har question puchne ki jagah mein use kehna chahta tha “I love you yaar be my soul mate lets marry right here right now”. Ab dhire dhire mere questions khatam hogaye aur mein intazaar karne laga ki wo b kuch kahe.

Bahot daer k sannate k baad usne mujhse kaha “aapka koi affair wagaire tha..?” usko ye question puchna hi tha kyuki life ka sawaal hota hai par humara b answer taiyaar hi tha, humne apni chaati chaudi karke answer diya “Nie kabhi nie” phir thodi daer sannata hogaya issbar bhi usne sannata todte hue kaha ki “aap iss shadi k liye naa kar doge” jitni chaati chaudi karke meine usse kaha tha pichla sentence utni hi sharmindgi aur aashcharyaa se meine use dekha, ab mere paas jada shabd nie the kehne k lie, meine sawal puchti hui apni nazro se uski ore dekha shayad wo khud samajh gai aur kehne lagi “8 saal se mera boy friend hai aur hum shadi karege bus kuch waqt ki jarurat hai, mein naa nie kar sakti toh kya aap mere lie mujhe nie bol doge” meine is question ka jawaab socha par mu se kuch keh pana ab mushkil tha, meine haan may sar hila diya. Mujhe shayad uski maangti hui nazro se b pyaar hogay, mujhe uske sehme hue chehre se bhi pyaar hogaya, mujhe uski sachi mohobbat se b pyaar hogaya.

Hum wapas aaye, meine nie bol dia ghar walo ne reason pucha toh mein koi thos jawaab diye bagair hi apne kaamo may lag gaya. Jawab tha b kya, mujhe oose itna pyaar tha ki mere lafz uski buraai nie kar paate. Fir subah se kuch meetings, kuch project reviews, kuch logo ko daatna, kuch ko appreciate karna, client ko butter lagana, naye assignments lana aur meri zindagii ne fir raftaar pakad li par ek din raatme jab mein apne pankhe ko ghurte hue neend ka intazaar kar raha tha tab mujhe uss ladki ki tasveer aankho k saamne nazar aane lagi.. shayad pehli baar dil tuta that oh thoda dard toh honaa hi tha. Fir mein sochne laga uska 8 saal puraana pyaar hai aur 8 saal pehle meine apne self imposed rules may bandha hua tha jab oose pyaar hua hoga.. shayad mujhe tab bhi haq nie tha oosse pyaar karne kaa aur mujhe ab bhi haq nie hai… Fir bhi mujhe oose pyaar hai.. so after all rule break ho hi gaya..

Its always me inside me…

Its always me inside me…

(Short Fiction Story)

I was born in a rajput house where the first teaching I got was winning, fighting, glory , ego and pride. The onus of legacy was always with me as whenever I cried in my childhood my parents always said rajputs never cry. With my teenage these values got stuck inside my heart forever and my shoulders also became stronger to balance the weight of legacy. I was born champion, I always won the game I played or I was amongst defeated with their head high. With the competition coming in studies, sports, general knowledge, debates my name was always recognized with respect. I may not be the winner every time but I was always amongst the best lot in class. As a teenager I also have had many fights with classmates, friends where I was never beaten up. People started looking me as harsh, stone hearted, egoistic chap and I enjoyed this bollywood hero status also for some time I began feeling myself to be one.



As the teenage days passed and hint of young age started approaching our hormones a new era began. This was romance era where my group of guys started approaching girls, looking them, following them, calling them and now cricket football hand wresting where no important. And with the change in era I was not able to adapt so my defeat started the guys who use to follow me every time changed their party and as taught I held my head high getting defeated. Solitude was always with me when the guys were around me or not so I maintained distance with the world. I became a picture with only single emotion to display and hats how the stone hearted now transformed into rebel. The winds were flowing on opposite direction and I was walking on the path facing them.



You can work on yourself but some emotions are meant to be flown so it was the day when I first saw XYZ. That day picture portraying single emotion smiled. It was the day of high hope when locked heart got free and started beating very fast. Confusion, hope, happiness they are so many emotions which surrounded me. As the day progressed she became my very good friend, for me friendship was always love. I always wanted to be with her alone forever with no disturbance even no winds to stay between us. She was the only ambition of my life now. But days are always not the same career came in my way.



As exam approached near I got busy into my studies it was the most important exam of my life as I was champion I tried my fullest to hold my position now it was stone hearted emotion to play its role. I got involved into mechanical life, following time table, rules of managing time. And as got involved in my process there was nothing called love in it. It was feast infront of me and I was hungry enough.



As per my habit in the past fought hard and succeeded. But now when I returned to my normal life it was all changed, the person I loved was long gone. Even I didn’t got chance to express my feelings. It was again solitude, it was again defeat and like every time I held my head high accepting the defeat. I again become the picture of one emotion, heart again got locked into a compact space not allowed to beat it is again brain who became incharge.



I was always strongest with my rules that

1. You are always the champion whom the world will follow.

2. You can cope up with any adverse situation coming in your life.

3. Tears in your eyes are rarest of rare case

4. People can see your smile forever.



But I was always an emotional guy with all my emotions hidden inside core of my heart, I can feel the pain but I can swallow it, I can feel the emotion but I can’t display it, I cry from inside but tears are not allowed to come out of me, inside my code its always a hot lava of emotion but the only thing I can do is to sustain it having a big smile on the face.

Food Story

Food Story

It is really a food story that is making me write this short paragraph. Recently I was having dosa for my dinner…. And to add flavor to it I was having it on thela where you have to stand and eat there only. It is most affordable and tasty dinner for me. I love that man who make this delicious dosa and feed me as hindi word is there he is my Annapurna.

As I was alone having my mysore masala dosa I started looking here and there for entertainment. It is the only source for my find of Televisionless people who can afford watching movie in multiplex on weekends but can’t afford a television in home. So I saw a family standing just besides me, they brought their son to have dosa who was ordering for himself. After five kind of orders and then cancellation he afterall selected one.  As the dosa came boy started eating dosa.

It was all fair uptill when her mom chipped in let me have taste of it, after few seconds papa automatically jumped in without any invitation. Now as the papa came and had just one bite he ordered “Thodi Chatni aur daal” after few bite “Laal wali Chatni dena” now the scenario was 1 place three people then they ordered plain dosa and optimized the sabzi and chatni it’s a pure financial planning if I say with my CA words. It’s the maximum capitalization of available resourses.

Now it Papa character was dominant he began his stories, “I have had two idlis from that roadside idli vendor and when I asked for Chatni he replied Do idli mein sahib itni hi Chatni milegi” now character mummy gave expression of “Fir kya kia, kaise khaya, chatni mili ya nie” and Papa Character “Fir meine bola tera cylinder toh red hai jo illegal hai, fir barabr chatni diya usne” after finishing sentence he gave a victory smile to which child also chipped in saying correct hai blue wala use hona chahiye complaint kar sakte hai. I was silently listening them.

Hell with english

 Ab meine socha ki idli wala kamata kitna hoga.. Do idli may kitna margin hoga 1 rupayee ,2 rupayee ab usme bhi wo extra chatni dena chahiye but kabhi hotel may manga hai extra chatni kyu extra paise dene pade the nah. Ab aap log bologe illegal use of domestic subsidized cylinder toh  jurm hai magar wo dosa wala sadak kinaare thela lagake apne bachose plate dhulwake aapko dosa khila raha hai toh sidhi baat hai wo carodpati nie hai, ab usko maza to aati nie hogi ye karke majburi may kar raha hoga aur govt subsidy deti hi aise logo ke liye hai so jurm kaha hai.. mujhe toh nie dikhta.. aapko dikhta hai toh baat alag hai..

5 min may PAPA character ko phone aagaya.. ab mein masoom bacha dusri ki baate thodi sunuga aisa expectation rakhna mujhse paap hai I am chartered jaha jata hu audit karke hi aata hu.. Papa shuru hogaye phone pe biscuit hai toh bill chahiye jwellery banake do toh bill nie manguga.. bus itna sunna tha ki mere CA dimag ne uske black ki income ka pura accounts bana diya.. aur wo kitna chor hai wo b pata chal gaya…

Apni nagpuri gandi jubaan se bolu toh insaan uski maarne jaata hai jiski who maar sakta hai jisko wo kuch nie kar sakta uske saamne all gentleman, etiquette, ethics sab aajate hai.. So I rwquest you agli baar extra chatni mango toh ye dekhlena aapko sahime jarurat hai..

Waise agar mein thought du toh ek plate may 3 log khana b mere liye chori hi hai…

Chori karo toh chor ki jeb se warna naa kisiko thes pahuchao please…

By Prabal Thakur

Angreji thodi kharab toh kripya load naa le… Suvin and mrunmayi tumhare khauf se aadhe raste may hindi pe aagaya…J

Rain Date

Rain Date

It was heavily raining and when I say heavily it’s a disaster in Mumbai. I was new to the city and was caught by the rain mid road with no escape. Rain never affects me rather it is the symbol of relief, joy and happiness to me but this time I was worried about my office Laptop weighing 5 Kg, fully encrypted, secured and all lot of security stuff, I was holding it close to my heart it is the normal gesture how we hold our bags in local train. As I was finding some shelter I saw a tree giving shelter to people already crowded. In Mumbai you can never relax its always a race, race for job, taxi, bus, shelter, meal and it was dry shelter this time. I ran towards the tree.

It was continuously raining and now fights for our dry shelter has become intense as few more people joined it. We were standing very close to each other when I found some nasty hairs going in my nose. It smelled nice but who wants to smell some unknown hair down the street. Hairs were curly and beyond control of the lady having absurd colors here and there which girls do I never had clue what does that reflects. Now people started feeling that rain is not going to stop so few gentlemen who were in hurry ran towards their destination relieving us with some more space.

After few minutes I found that only two of us are left others dared running. As we had ample space now we both were standing adjacent when I found that the hairs I smelled from few minutes are of a very beautiful girl and being all time single kind of guy your brain never stops flashing romantic pictures seeing any beautiful lady.

With some more time elapsed she caught me starring at her and gave me smile I replied with wider smile giving a sorry look as I was embarrassed being caught in such a manner. I felt I should say something and with my past experience I got that best conversation starters are complaint, start complaining about anything and people will readily join you. I started, “It is raining so heavily in this non monsoon season” She replied, “Yes, it was not expected” “Now a day it rains anytime” said I, she nodded in assent. Being talkative is also a blessing you always have something or the other to throw not letting conversation to die. “So you work nearby..?” asked I, “Yes in lower parel” said she. “Then you should have waited in office itself..?” this was my best question as it demands more set of words to answer. “It was not raining at that time and even I didn’t expect it and was in hurry t reach home”. I gave her smile in the form of sympathy about what disaster she is facing. After her answer it was my obvious question “where do you stay..?” “Malad” said she. It was where I also use to stay I said “I also stay in Malad” with a gesture that I am your companion in your difficult time.

After few minutes of pause it was my turn to take the onus of letting this conversation to a meaningful end. “Hi I am Rahul” I stated and extended my hand, so she replied “I am Priya”. Now she became comfortable and started asking me question about me and I was ever ready for answering all question coming my way. With the conversation on I cracked some silly joke which my friend use to crack and I use to avoid it saying pathetic but they work with the girl I don’t know how they find it humorous.

With our rapid fire round I got to know that she works in same building where I, not happy with job she is doing, there is so much stress in her life which every girl feel they are. She was amusing, friendly, cute and most important very beautiful like McDonald tag line I am loving it.

Time fly like bird though I am not very good with girls eventually this time I managed to do friendship with the girl and as rain stopped we made our way to the railway station there I we had a cup to tea. She seemed to be the perfect match to me, simple, cute, happy go lucky and bit intelligent as well, she was the material my parents and relatives will also not object if gone for a inter-caste marriage. Also I thought that with her intelligence she will be good mother to my child as well, she seemed to be bit strict for my baby boy and loving for my baby girl.

As we were running out of time and train also arriving soon I thought that it was the time to go for a kill because if not today it will be never. I asked her “Can you share your phone number with me” to which she replied, “Why do you want my phone number..?” It was expected from any girl, it’s a girl virus which always say why even though knowing the reason. I replied “to keep in touch” to which she smiled and gave her phone number readily which was even unexpectedly the mammoth task was easily done. But I was in the mood to go for kill so I directly questioned “Do you have any boyfriend..?” listening my question she started laughing loudly. I expected naughty smile but it was a big laugh I was puzzled with her behavior. She continued for a while and then caught her breath to answer “No I don’t have boyfriend” I had a sigh of relief. Then she said “rather I have a husband and two kids waiting for me in my home” listening to which I was into a big trauma and was very confused what to reply so after controlling my emotions I gave a silent smile.

On a perfect time train arrived and we took our position to climb train, she was to go in ladies compartment while I was to go in general so as we left for respective compartment I looked back and gave her a big wave saying bye.

At the end of the day I had a big smile on my face for the day with lots of adventure, excitement, hope and courage. But it was a bad day for a chartered accountant who failed judging woman and her age and eventually it eneded up into a RAIN DATE.